Thursday, November 25, 2010

6/25/2010 - 11/25/2010

That's five months so far.  I'm dancing under the storm cloud of raining thoughts that want to pool up to the conclusion that I'll just stay sober indefinitely.  Although I stayed sober for 6 months last year, I didn't get to where I wanted to go, i.e. the point of staying sober was to change my situation in other non-alcohol related venues (if you know what I mean).  The fundamental realization that begat that period of sobriety was that I would need to change the aspects of my life that caused misery, and that alcohol kept me from doing that.  At 6 months, I took the GRE under the impression that I wanted to attend a doctoral program.  I scored well, although not well enough to assure success, but well enough to feel accomplished, to have a bit of an outcome to all of my restrictive madness.  So I had a drink.  Two drinks, actually, as I discussed with my then girlfriend (now fiance), were necessary.  How could I possibly break my sober spell with just one drink?

If that doesn't make sense to you, then you don't have a problem with alcohol.  If it does, then consider that you might have a problem.    Anyway, the point of this writing isn't to let you know that you might have a problem. Maybe the point of you reading it is, though I'm not sure.  I try not to spend too much time thinking about you, whoever you are, though you do restrict me somewhat.  Ah well.  That's much less of an issue.  So, it has been five months, which means that six months is right around the bend, which means I'll come out of the shadow of last year and into the what, sunlight, of this year.  Whatever it means, it means it sooner, and a month isn't as unforeseeable as half a year. 

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