Thursday, November 25, 2010

Drinking on Thanksgiving

Today I was offered a drink four times. All politely. All assuredly, with some force, and once with enough angst to expect a response from me. Something was wrong if I didn't have a drink.  I used the operation excuse.  It was easier.  I drank coffee.  I drank tea. I drank water.  There was a toast.  The entire family (my step family) wanted to make a toast to my pending marriage.  It was really sweet and heartfelt.  Am I the only one that's going crazy?  How can they possibly toast me and simultaneously push booze on my overactive mouth? Of course the answer is because they don't know that I can't drink because I would drink too much. . . . . eventually.  Not then, no.  Just eventually.  Either I turn the switch on or leave it off all the way.  This ain't no dimmer.

The people I saw had enough money to talk about their beach houses on long island, and how the tide comes in to wash the beach away.  I know it is a real issue.  I have mixed emotions about how to respond to this level of wealth.  Mostly I didn't respond that much.  It is a nice concern to have from a certain perspective that I know exists only on the fringes of my reality.  I used to try to impress these people, I think, but they are forgiving and actually quite understandable, and I don't think they hold my more youthful activities and attitudes against me.  In this respect they are far more complex, and hold far more integrity, then I ever gave them credit for.  Just couldn't see this earlier in my life.  Also didn't try.  Wish I did.  Glad I have the thought now.  Probably wouldn't if I was still drinking.  Glad I'm sober.  Real glad.  That's where I'm at right now. Sitting in all of the aspirations that I can't seem to shake off, I'm starting to allow myself some self-recognition. Glad I'm sober today.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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