Friday, May 17, 2013
Finding A Way Out -
It's been too long since I simply felt comfortable in my own skin. Since I've found a way to just stay loose and relatively relaxed while living my life. I recognize that specifics change, where you live or where you work, for example, but alcohol fundamentally changed my sensitivity to my surrounding environment, and since sobriety, I've been working back to a healthy understanding of stimuli in the outside world, trying less to get trapped in negative (or positive) feedback loops that can't be corrected. This is more of a quick reflection, and a reminder of my new emerging self, the old self in many ways, and this familiarity I feel now is really quite beautiful, because I haven't been like this (even if "this" is for short spurts right now--it is intensely focused and much sharper and less worried or acutely aware of all the wrong things), in a long long while, over 10 years, at least.
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Nice-I went through that as well, 10 years ago, when I finally stopped for good. One of the first changes was my skin got real soft and wrinkles just fell off. I saw that when I quit smoking too. Alcohol and tobbacco are both really hard on the skin. They add years to your looks.
The next change was what you said, the peace and quiet around me was incredible.When we drink, all small problems get magnified and blown out of shape. The alcohol makes it hard to process alot of thoughts, so they pile up on the brains hard drive.
Quitting seems to make it all easier to compute, and the understanding process begins to work right again. A sober brain cleans out the old files and begins to process the new ones. That makes the everyday problems shrink back down to their original, puny size. We are now able to call on the memory and hard drive in our heads to take on the tasks of day to day living.
But, now, we have to store all that newfound information, so we can get to it fast, the next time we think about drinking.
Just call up the memory and flash back to the way you felt waking up from a drunken binge, a blackout, or in some strangers bed, or behind bars. I have all that in memory, and then some.
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