Friday, March 25, 2011

I feel the immeasurability of time and space!

So, what's up?  Well, it is the 25th of March. That's one, two, three . . . nine months now sober.  Nine months. It feels like an incredibly long amount of time (yay for accomplishment) and an incredibly small amount of time, simultaneously--progress is not something one can plan out, exactly, and learning stuff takes some serious time.  Naturally, I can't tell if the changes in my life are linked to my decision to quit drinking or if my decision to quite drinking also precipitated changes in my behavior and attitude that have pushed me along (yeah, I can't isolate variables out in my life without somehow living another life simultaneously).  There are good things afoot, though, and lots of work, too.  My social life has changed dramatically, because I basically have none.  I do talk to people, sure, and I am naturally social, but I increasingly cherish free time so much that I don't want to use it up on social endeavors that, I'll be honest here, often seem really pointless.

I know that social relationships keep us healthy, and so I'll endeavor to endeavor, as my friend says, and I do SEE people, and by the way, I am also married now, so don't get the idea that I'm just at home alone, stone cold sober and staring at the wall--I'm not.  Instead, I'm often cooking and cleaning!  Just like a good husband.  Willing and able have become my mantra, and that means that I'll cut my own short term pleasures to commit to and finish whatever chores are needed, because, well, the synergy between us is higher and more rewarding, generally.  Doesn't seem like that much, and certainly doesn't win me status points out there in the "real" world, but it keeps my relationship functional, and me less confused by my own false beliefs about my need for independence and choice and possibility out there in the vast immeasurable space that is.  Best to keep close to home for now.

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