Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Recent Comment from CALI December 05

Anonymous said...
CALI said: Sober for 2 days...after drinking for 23 years (increasing more heavily as the years went by). I am now 39. More recently, I found myself drinking 2 bottles of wine or 1/2 a bottle of scotch some days. 1 bottle of wine became a light day (similar to what 1 glass of wine use to be). In social settings, who knows how much I drank sometimes...enough to forget my actions the next morning and embarrass my husband. I am functional - a corporate VP / lawyer, mother of two and married 11 years. My husband travels out of town during the week, so it has been pretty easy to hide the bottles, late night drinking binges and hangovers. I used a coffee mug often, so my kids didn't know I was drinking alcohol (as my husband would ask them if I had been drinking). Luckily, no DUIs or accidents; however, a lot verbal abuse/rage/broken items...I drank for quite a few "reasons" - to forget things I experienced as a child, reduce anxiety, alleviate stress, escape boredom, cure loneliness, raise my depressed spirits, be more friendly, become comfortable in my own skin, relax, reduce irritation, handle my husband, cope with the pressure of raising two children and managing a career while my husband is always out of town, etc. Today has been really hard - I feel anxious, nauseated and tense. My jaw is clenched/sore and I have a dry mouth and scratchy throat. I can't concentrate on anything and I am incredibly irritated by everything - I have no patience. My husband was very supportive of my decision last night when we spoke, but today he was cold and nasty - telling me I have to take responsibility for my own actions and to stop feeling sorry for myself. All I want is his love and support to help me be successful in my mission to stop drinking. I initiated this myself - there was no intervention. However, when he talks to me the way he does, I just want to hide in the bottle as I have done for so many years. I am trying to focus on my personal strength and determination, but it's really hard.


Anonymous said...

CALI said: Thank you for your comments. Day six - is the worst behind me or yet to come? I am still experiencing the withdrawal, but it's not nearly as intense as days 2 and 3. I think finding other means to cope with stressers (other than a bottle) is my next challenge. I met with a pychologist that specializes in addiction/cognitive behavior therapy/underlying causes this week. I'll be wearing a wide rubber band and snap it every time I get an extreme urge to drink or feel an unreasonable impulse approaching - ha, I am going to have a very red wrist. I am hopeful to learn new coping skills to replace the bottle. I had planned to attend AA, but will be joining a SMART Recovery group next week instead - I can do without the religious undertones and belief that we have no control over alcoholism (that it a disease we cannot control). I am more scientific and analytical. I read that it takes a year for the brain to return to normal (what's normal) you feel any different after a year? Do you ever naturally feel that euphoric high that a buzz gives?

hmm said...

Yes to the euphoria high. Exercise helps that, actually. And eating right. That's a big one. Increase your intake of good fats. Flax. Avocado. Etc. If you intend to not drink seriously, you'll have some adjusting to do regarding social event--adjustment that isn't easy, and never really gets easier, at least for me.

I don't know if alcohol is a disease. I do know that if I would have kept drinking, it would have quickly gotten irreparably bad (my life), and that alcohol would be the main cause.

Does it take a year? I'm almost at 2.5 years. It definitely does, actually, take a good long year IF you've been drinking very heavily (i.e. at least 5 drinks a night, most every night).

Good news is that you've done the hardest thing. Now on to the second hardest thing. Keeping it straight. Eventually, slowly, the bottle will lose its power over you and be replaced by other activities; old goals will resurface; old friends too. You will find yourself developing in ways that you cannot fathom, that are not common to everyone--and you'll definitely realize how small you are instead of how important you are. Sorry about that!