Saturday, May 19, 2012

We're 90% Urge and 10% Narrative

Most of our behavioral patterns aren't controlled.  We think we control them, but what we do is justify them, mentally rectify them, and move on.  We'd like to think we're in control of ourselves, but unfortunately, maybe we're not so much.  (We're especially not in control of other people).

Last night I went out to a proper bar/club/lounge in one of the trendiest spots of NYC.  I don't like these places, and I didn't want to go there.  I wouldn't chose to go without familiar bonds that dragged me there.  I didn't have a bad time, though, dancing a bit, and generally observing and laughing.

One thing I noticed was the amount of conflict between friends that I can't control, or feel bad about.  I also can't try to solve conflict that isn't mine to solve.

The other thing I noticed folks, is just how drunk everybody got.  Not just at the club, but also on the train going home.  Seemed like a pretty miserable scene.  Everybody was exhausted and just trying to survive the ride, half stoned, half drunk, vomiting in plastic bags, dropping things, falling asleep (passing out), kissing strangers, all that shit.  I'm feeling pretty good about my sobriety about now. Not because I am morally pure, but because I'm about to go on a run and enjoy the splendid whether and the "others" in my entourage are firmly into the grips of a hangover that will probably last all day.

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