Monday, November 26, 2012

Cheeks Inflated, Hands Busy, Eyes . . . eyes watching . . .

whether you are watching them.

That's the stance of the overly ambitious human.  Not centered.  Not focused.  Very little flow.  Superficial engagement with most items/people.  Concern exists for the ego, and almost solely for the ego.  Reads faces and emotions and academics for one purpose: fulfillment of self.

How different is that person from the person you see as yourself?

Why is it that we think we're any different?  Isolated, we are almost all those desperate acceptance seekers.  We've either given up, or worse, aggressively quit.

See, here's the truth.  Alcohol is easy.  Sobriety is hard.  It says something about our character, even if our character is never revealed to anyone else, whether we chose alcohol, or we chose sobriety.

I'd rather help others feel satisfied than help them be impressed with me.

I'd rather help myself feel satisfied, truth be told, than worry what the fuck they're all thinking.

In the heart of my chamber of hearts, I know that  a lot of depression and anxiety are really just struggles over character and standing.  I fucking hate it.  It isn't pretty.  It isn't even mildly pleasant.  It is one thing.  Dangerous.  Stop assuming away everything, quick minded "I want this to be over" self.  Just stop it already. Pick something to work on and work on it hard.

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