Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Year and Four Months

I've been sober for a year and four months straight, no chaser.    I've found a new job, bought an apartment, and gotten married (at city hall), in that time, so, along with getting sober, a lot of other things have changed too.  Maybe the most marked personality change is my profound understanding of my own limitations--that is, my lack of expertise in almost every area imaginable.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  More like a life thing.  Like a recognizing how small we are type of thing. 

Alcohol fuels some levels of self-bias.  It also, unfortunately, helps me to relax, at least in the short term (and without thinking of any long term costs).  So however painful that may be, since my preference is to reduce bias in the longer term, I have to deal with some levels of increased anxiety now.  That's not bad, it just is "who I am" and I'm learning my limitations on a daily basis.  Suffice it to say that I'm not considering going back to drinking anytime soon--so the idea of quitting for a year is nice, but insufficient.

I am not foolish enough to believe that my life is a mirror of sheer will.  I'm also not among those who think that we have no control over our own direction, either.  It may be that we only control 3.59% of the direction of our lives--but I want to be conscious of that aspect, however small, and make informed decisions.

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