Small Things (Days, Months, Years)

Humbling oneself can itself become quite an egotistical journey, one that involves plenty of signaling, hierarchy, and ostensible sublimation.

I'm trying, very intently, not to think too much about the journey.  The large over-arching narrative of life.

For many years, I kept wondering whether I'd gotten "there", wherever it was that I had previously wanted to be, and where I could actually relax.  I kept looking for little cues as to whether it was there that I was, and if not, how much further it would be.

I kept idolizing the notion of letting go.  Without understanding one bit the idea of letting go.

Because I am starting to think now the idea of letting go actually involves the destruction of the self.  All of the things that we've told ourselves about who it is we are and what cardinal character.

I mean, I've "known" that fact in the past too.  Naturally you just destruct who you are and build a new one!  The actual process means letting go of all sorts of problematic romantic ideas, though.