Today I was offered a drink four times. All politely. All assuredly, with some force, and once with enough angst to expect a response from me. Something was wrong if I didn't have a drink. I used the operation excuse. It was easier. I drank coffee. I drank tea. I drank water. There was a toast. The entire family (my step family) wanted to make a toast to my pending marriage. It was really sweet and heartfelt. Am I the only one that's going crazy? How can they possibly toast me and simultaneously push booze on my overactive mouth? Of course the answer is because they don't know that I can't drink because I would drink too much. . . . . eventually. Not then, no. Just eventually. Either I turn the switch on or leave it off all the way. This ain't no dimmer.
The people I saw had enough money to talk about their beach houses on long island, and how the tide comes in to wash the beach away. I know it is a real issue. I have mixed emotions about how to respond to this level of wealth. Mostly I didn't respond that much. It is a nice concern to have from a certain perspective that I know exists only on the fringes of my reality. I used to try to impress these people, I think, but they are forgiving and actually quite understandable, and I don't think they hold my more youthful activities and attitudes against me. In this respect they are far more complex, and hold far more integrity, then I ever gave them credit for. Just couldn't see this earlier in my life. Also didn't try. Wish I did. Glad I have the thought now. Probably wouldn't if I was still drinking. Glad I'm sober. Real glad. That's where I'm at right now. Sitting in all of the aspirations that I can't seem to shake off, I'm starting to allow myself some self-recognition. Glad I'm sober today. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
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