This one is hard to do, but hey, let's give it a shot. Instead of holding on to the shame, bitterness, and the outrage that has settled into grooves around our collective eyes, let's instead find a way to own up to our past(s) and be at peace with those pasts, such that they do not negatively impact our current and future selves.
It is easy, especially after partaken in tremendous amounts of shame inducing activities, to NOT LEARN from those activities, but instead let the lead blanket of shame that came from those activities cover up current life. But that's really no way to live. Nor is the other extreme, simply forgetting about the past completely. But there is a sweet spot here, one that is highly idiosyncratic, that you cannot learn from others necessarily, but must endeavor to find on your own pace and intensity.
Which is to say that you don't need to hold on so desperately to all of the bad stuff, even or especially because it is familiar and routine. It is possible not to be defensive and insecure and to live into the future on a level plane of curiosity, neutrality, and relative engagement.
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