You're Not My Best Friend -

If you act like we're childhood girlfriends once again I'm going to have to mentally decapitate you and imagine myself staring at the nape of your neck, and the nape will be gurgling at me, and it won't be you, you see, but me, alone, with a nape, and then what?  Do you still desire my gossip partnership?  Do you still want to fill me in on the emotional vacancy of your marriage, and the fact that your daughter despises you, or get "cookies" with me as the afternoon wanes.

I don't need to expose myself to you, is the thing, and your presumption otherwise doesn't just "make me uncomfortable."  It makes me violent.  So watch out.  And step off.

So can you please stop talking at me conspiratorially?  

Can you find a way to produce your faux comfort at the mirror instead?  It would be  a lot less taxing for me.  Thx.