Two substrates of conversation happened yesterday, both revolving pornography. First, that most pornography users are men. Second, that men tend to objectify women's bodies more than women tend to objectify men's bodies.
Does pornography contribute to this discrepancy?
Porn is a tremendously large business. A lot of our technological change was driven by a the underlying demand of pornography viewers, and I've read that the porn industry is at least as big as the (mainstream) movie industry.
If we can agree that viewing a specific type of male centered pornography--mostly whereby women climax easily and effortlessly, and everything is done a few notches more aggressively than it should be--actually impacts how people have sex, then I think we're starting to get somewhere. Yesterday I spoke with two women who said they could easily tell if the man they were sleeping with was a consistent pornography user by the way he acted [in bed]. I think that's pretty damning, and interesting, too.
Personally, I think that pornography exploits a naturally evolved mechanism, particularly for men. To say this, another claim has to occur: men and women are inherently (i.e. naturally) different. There's lots of ways this is true. One essential and easy way to see how true this is regards ease of orgasm. Ease of orgasm doesn't necessarily equate to sexual satisfaction, of course, but having an orgasm is highly related (perhaps necessary but not sufficient on its own). I used to be emotionally attached to the ideal that we are blank slates at birth, only to be socialized according to all of society's dictates as we age. That's just not true. There's no way we could learn the massive amount of words and signage we do without some architecture, some blueprints. The shape of the building is up to culture--that a building will exist, not so much. Our communication and coordination is what makes us human. Not too much to fight in that statement, even though we don't always like communicating with one another. It is what we do best compared to other animals.
So, what does pornography do to men regarding communication? Well, it is like self-training the bad parts of instinct to come out and take control, I think--and the claim, to conclude that porn is a bad thing--must be that those sort of sexual instincts are heightened and predominate over other data regarding normal day-to-day interactions in a way that wouldn't happen without porn.
So, I don't think the question is whether there are real world impacts for porn viewing. The answer is yes. Unlike my friend, I don't think that pornography is the symptom of a highly misogynist society so much as something that has flourished because of convenience (lack of restrictions and easy incentive). A lot of men, perhaps unfortunately, model their sexual behavior after the porn they see. I think the question really boils down to how the porn viewing does or does not alter emotional development, and if it does, how it might do so in a way that impedes what would otherwise be more healthy relationships.
So what is a healthy relationship, you ask?
Well, I don't know. But I do know one thing. If one partner is faking orgasm, then that's a sign that the sexual relationship isn't as healthy as it could be. Even if it might be awkward to bring this up, the way to change the dynamic is to work on it without coming to grand conclusions about failure, lack of compatibility, or what is permanent. Everyone needs to work on something. What I'm saying is that the number one pernicious thing about pornography may be that it fosters the illusion that sex is all perfect bliss (and selfish), or total garbage.
4 comments:
"Yesterday I spoke with two women who said they could easily tell if the man they were sleeping with was a consistent pornography user by the way he acted [in bed]. I think that's pretty damning, and interesting, too."
I gotta ask: other than the fact that they say so, do you have any reasons to think that what they're saying is true? (i.e. that they actually can accurately tell). Or are you just taking their word for it?
yeah, i took them for their word.
OK. As a disclaimer, let me just say that I don't think the women you spoke with weren't telling the truth or that you should have tried to verify what they were saying. You know them, I don't.
My point is this: some women use this line (or something similar) as a rationalization of their reluctance or refusal to go along with some sexual requests or demands of their partners. With sex, as with everything else, we all have things we like to do and things we don't really like doing (or having done to us) all that much. Preferences. Now if a partner asks us to do something we don't like to do and we consistently refuse simply because we don't like to do it, well, that makes us kind of selfish. Any voluntary relationship, no matter how short-lived, is an exchange, and no side can reasonably expect to not ever have to do anything they don't like.
Of course no one likes to think of themselves as selfish. So if we are, in fact, being selfish, most of the time we try to somehow rationalize it. I won't do that, but not because I don't want to, but because his requests are ridiculous, and the reason his requests are ridiculous is because he's watching porn all the time, and we all know watching porn turns men into misogynous pigs. Voila! It's a perfect excuse, really. I mean, no one in their right mind will speak up in defense of pornography.
As a woman, I can absolutely tell whether a man has been consistently watching pornography. How, you ask? Because consumers of porn mimic behavior exhibited by male porn performers. In American smut, performers concentrate on the(questionable) visual appeal of their actions rather than on each others' pleasure. One has to only compare amateur videos to those produced by mainstream companies to see that it is true. I can also compare sexual behavior of men who have been raised on the homegrown smutty pictures to those who grew up in different countries, and consequently watched different porn. For instance: men who grew up in the US consistently request anal sex, while those who grew up in Japan, do not. Why is that? Because anal sex among straight couples is not nearly as ubiquitous in mainstream Japanese porn as it is in American. Pornography is just about our only chance to see other people engage in sexual activity, so of course if something is consistently done in porn, we assume that it is a widespread practice.
Mr. Anonymous clearly imagines the women quoted by blogger to be vanilla, borderline asexual creatures eager to find any excuse to avoid the dreaded unorthodox sexual acts. But oh, how wrong he is.
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