I spent a lot of time trying to tarnish the idea of buying into progress. That is, settling down. that is, getting a law degree and practicing law. Working hard to make it to partner, to buy a BMW, to buy a house, to have kids, pay off the mortgage, and retire. For what end, I aggressively wondered? Death, my critical self answered. Death and only death. And that's one thing I don't want to rush, damnit. Never! I shouted it to myself, as I became an anti-. Anti-everything and anything except.
And so fast forward 7 years or so, and reset the clocks folks, because I was wrong. Very wrong. Progress is real, and the results are tangibly nice. Hard work can yield nice things, enjoyable pleasant things. Things that I enenjoy not because I've become fundamentally corrupted and materialistic, but because I enjoy them. Like a nice pair of headphones to listen to music on. Or a car that, well, simply put, runs reliably. OK, I'm not at the car point yet, but I'm dreaming that one day I'll have a car that doesn't require constant monitoring of steering fluid.
Bottom line: My rebellion WAS successfully disadvantageous to someone: me.
This. This is me. And now I'm belated. I can't rationalize or analyze myself out of that fact. I can only keep getting up and working to move forward.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the inspiration.