Mismatch

I'm interested in the idea that people assess whether the two people in a couple fit each other--and I don't mean that they get along.  I mean: whether one person is generally better looking.  The funny thing about noticing this is twofold

1) we're all making some judgment about it.

2) it is impolite to say that we're judging it.

The question isn't: What gives us the right to judge?  We naturally assess people based on their looks.  It just is.  It isn't unfortunate, or dramatically unfair, necessarily.  It happens.  The issue is twofold.  For people that are very good looking who are treated a certain way, and for people who are not as good looking and still have to find their self esteem and respect.  Good looking people don't necessarily have it easier, in that they have to maintain their looks, and they aren't taken as seriously for other endeavors  At the same time, people who aren't as good looking (or don't think they are), they have to maintain themselves by relying on other distinctions.

All of personal identity falls on distinctions in the west, at least, I think.  In the Bhagavad Gita, there's a lot of talk about fulfilling your mission in a particular role, not making yourself stick out, but internalizing and finding a way to have importance in your role.

Anyway, we need order, and structure, as a society, and individually. It helps us coordinate.  Religion is a coordinator.  That's why it is so fiercely debated.  Anything that controls how a number of people will act, the decisions they have available to them, will be hotly debated, and will be culturally informed.  Money is a coordinator.  That's why people want more of it (they can control more pieces).  The question isn't so  much whether we need order, but where it comes from and how it is imposed, and whether we're okay with where we stand within the current structure, whatever it is, and whether we're aware of where we stand.

There's a balance between understanding that some of our personal limitation comes about from making the group standing better, and that, by making the group standing better, we can individually benefit.  The question is sort of about parameters--which group, for instance, and how much can we lift their relative standing?  Will the lift be pushed out equally?/

Yes, these are relatively fragmented and fast ideas, I know.  But I'm damn sober here on a Saturday and determined to drink my cuppa tea and continue on being sober.  Personally, this was a bit of a hard week.  I'll have to write about it tomorrow.  If I don't post every day for the next few weeks, please excuse me.  I'll try to get back here and get up some thoughts asap when I get a chance.