Why I'm Here

I decided to start writing this blog because I don't have many real springboards to turn to regarding conversations about not drinking. I'm about to turn 29, and thought that, since I've had bouts of sobriety earlier in my life (and, ahem, bouts of non-sobriety) it would be a good idea to stay straight and sober for a year, until I'm 30, at least.  I haven't made it to a year before. I'll try to write here every day for a year or more, excluding a two week point in September when I won't have access to a computer, but I plan to take notes and come back to post them. 

So, where to start?  First, I don't know what to think of alcoholics anonymous. I haven't been to a meeting, and I don't know if I will do so.  Second.  I'm not sure what I consider myself in the continuum of alcoholic to casual drinker, but not drinking seems like a good idea for various reasons that I'll explore in future posts.  Third, why a year? Well, I need to set some goal here.  I know it is potentially dangerous to think about this in a block of time, because it sets up a  certain trend of return/reward to drinking type thinking, and before in my life, when I stopped drinking for six months, within two weeks upon the resumption of drinking, it felt as if I hadn't stopped. So, with that said, I don't know if I can start to contemplate never drinking again.  That's probably why the day at a time saying exists--how can you conceptualize the rest of your life regarding a single variable, anyway? 

One thing, though: I'm not going to pretend that this is some existential journey or fantasy. There are real results to consistently drinking too much, and I'm not engaged in a game here.  I am convinced that my drinking is of sufficient depth and range that I'm at risk for further damage (yes, I now assume that drinking changed some of the trajectory of my life, why deny it?). I'm starting this in part so that  I don't decide to drink with any piece of spare time.  With startling self-consciousness, though, I realize that I don't want to confess that I have a reason not to drink.

But I do have a certain faith that not-drinking will cause better events to unfold in the future, and, conversely, keep some bad events at bay. Sheez, see how easy it is to glide down that gentle path and take nothing in the way of responsibility? I also cannot just fill these pages with the longing to drink, so I won't consciously do so. I'll admit that I also want to have something productive to do every day that I don't drink.
And, while there's a ton of chores to do, they're not exactly as soothing as writing some thoughts down,
plain and simple.

As far as commenting, I encourage it, and will try to respond if possible.  As far as posts go, like I said: at least one a day. If for some reason I cannot post, I'll do two posts the next day, jotting some notes down on paper in the interim. Okay?  So, that just about settles that.

On to not drinking.